We start out right where we left off last week: the girls were just about to do a photo shoot. Mr. Jay appears in a red kilt – possibly an homage to Alexander McQueen who passed away earlier this year – and actually pulls it off quite well. Me likey! He’s standing next to a mannequin dressed up in a mish-mash of an outfit, and informs the girls that they will have their choice of one item – other than that one item, they will be nude. Well…Jessica isn’t pumped because her family is very religious, and her grandmother would KILL her if she found out that she was doing it. On the count of three the girls are tearing at the mannequin, trying to pick their one item to wear.
PHOTOSHOOT #1
Photoshoot time, and some of the girls are a lot more naked than others. A couple of them have decent coverage – shorts, long scarf, vest. Others – not so much. Ren is wearing nothing but a hat; Naduah has a pair of sunglasses; Angelea has a pair of hot blue pumps. Time to head to judging.
JUDGING
A change to the Top Model judging panel this season – Ms. Jay is missing, and has been replaced by another eccentricly gay black man – Andre Leon Talley, “Editor at Large” at Vogue. Gotta say that he is pretty fabulous – always using French words and describing haggard models as “dreckitude”. Most of the photos are pretty great, especially considering this is their first photoshoot of the season. They blur out the naked parts because some of the girls are showing off all the goods for all to see, which a) probably excites Nigel and b) probably repulses Andre. My favorite pic is of Ren, in her hat and vulnerable pose. Least favorite is Alasia (ugh that naaaaame), who puts her vest on backwards and stands with her naked ass in the camera. Add that to the fact that she’s annoying as shit and it makes me really hate the pic.
The first name that Tyra calls is:
Jessica. I’m a little surprised with this because her leg looks like a toothpick and is kind of awkward looking.
Angelea. The shot of her in the bright blue pumps is very pinup, and she looks great despite what she looks like in real life.
Ren. My favorite pic!
The names are called in order until it comes down to the bottom two: Alasia and Gabrielle. Alasia’s photo is weird and annoying and makes the judges ‘uncomfortable’, but Andre says he would hang it in his salon. Gabrielle looks dead in her photo. The decision is clear….
Alasia. Damnit.
Back at the house, all kinds of hell is breaking loose. Ren is becoming more antisocial by the minute. She can’t believe she’s wasting her perfectly happy life living in a house full of insane broads. In contrast, Alasia is becoming louder and more annoying by the second. Naduah is telling Cult stories and telling the girls that she turned down Playboy, even though she was living on the streets at the time. Raina aint buyin it and thinks she’s a pathological liar. I personally can’t wait to hear more of her stories…..
CHALLENGE
Lo and behold, the next challenge is presented by none other than Ms. Jay. Guess he got shifted from judge to co-host with Mr. Jay. He teaches the girls how to walk while taking off their coats – model mulitasking to the max. To add to the insanity, he makes the girls walk across a busy Manhattan street with other people! And cars! And it’s cold out! This prepares them for the next challenge: their first runway walk in front of an audience. In order to teach them about timing, there are giant gold pendulums swinging above the runway that they have to avoid. Oh this is gonna be good.
Most of the girls pound out the runway, with only slight wavering around the pendulums. Simone actually gets hit by one, but keeps her composure and continues walking. And then there was Alexandra. Plus sized Alexandra. She starts down the stairs at the top of the runway, and bails. HARD. Bails and slides down to the bottom of the stairs. Laugh out loud. Well this embarasses her and makes her very nervous, which translates into her stomping/marching down the runway. Okay i know i’m not the only one who was praying that she’d get hit by a pendulum, because guess what? She gets hit by a pendulum. Not only does she get hit, but the sheer force of it knocks her right off the stage. hahahahahah. And she’s okay! She gets up, walks backstage and bursts into tears. After thing calm down, Mr. Jay announces the winner of the challenge – Brenda! She gets to keep the long blue dress she wore and is very happy (“i dont know where i’m going to wear it, but…”)
Back at the house, tension is building because Alasia is acting like a god damn lunatic, screaming and yelling and annoying everyone. Ren has finally had enough – she yells at her to shut the fakkkk up. Asphinctersayswhat?????? Oh hellllllll naw, no one talks to Alasia like that. She goes off the deep end, yelling and cursing and telling Ren – who’s voice never goes above level 2 – to shut up. The fact that she’s wearing an Aunt Jemimah bandana (tied up in the front, no joke) and glasses is not making her look any less crazy. She mutters ”I know where you sleep”. Ren looks terrified. End scene.
PHOTOSHOOT #2
The concept of the shoot is to stand on top of an abandoned building in Brooklyn in some tattered rags, spray on coloured perfume and try to look beautiful while being sprayed with water and a wind machine. Really???? Most of the girls end up looking awkward and cold as hell – Ren whines because she’s wearing contacts and they’re drying out. She’s always bitching about something…you know, she was one of my faves at the start but she is becoming a royal pain in the ayce.
JUDGING
Raina’s photo is amazing, and although i think she’s quite hideous in real life, she really does look stunning. Naduah looks horrible – Mr. Jay describes her as a blow up doll. Brenda looks old (like, 22!), Krista looks strong, and Anslea looks like the cover of Madonna’s True Blue cassette tape.
And the first name Tyra calls, is….
Raina. She actually howls like a wolf when she calls her name.
Krista. She reminds Andre of a model from the 60s.
The names are called one at a time until we get to the bottom two, and i’m shocked. Ren and Naduah. These were the two girls that i was going to pick!!!! Naduah is edgy but that edge isn’t translating to her photos. She continues to disappoint the panel. Ren’s photo is flat and boring. Who will stay????
Ren.
Unbelievable! I thought for sure Naduah would make it to top 3, but i’m afraid it’s simply not so. I’m sad that she’s gone, she had so much potential. Why they didn’t get rid of stinking Alasia, i’ll never know. Bye bye Naduah.
Thanks for reading – tune in next week for more America’s Next Top Model.
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