First scene – the girls are being loaded onto a giant Fab Bus – this thing is so big that there’s room for them to stand up in it. Hell, this thing’s so big that there’s room for ANTM’s first plus sized model, Tocarra, to stand up in it! She divides the girls into two groups and gets them to play a Top Model version of Jeopardy – with questions about fashion, of course. Tocarra sounds like a heavily scripted version of Tyra – I’m pretty sure she was reading her lines off a big screen at the back of the bus. She did have a pretty cool Bob Barker microphone though…
After a few tense moments and close calls, Brenda really shits the bed on a fairly obvious question about Heidi Klum and her team loses. They’re not pumped, especially when they’re sent to do inventory in a warehouse. BEEEEEEoooooo . The winning team however – Simone, Raina, Krista, Jessica, Alexandra and Angelea – are beyond ecstatic when they find out what they’ve won: a go see with the chance of being featured in the BlueFly.com spring campaign. They all have to walk and pose for the BlueFly execs – Angelea busts out some weird ass moves and flexes for them for some reason; Simone looks very composed; and the rest just look way too damn skinny. Except for Alexandra of course. Because she’s fat. I KID! I think she looks the best out of all of them. In the end the judges pick Simone and she wins the challenge. I actually like her shaved sides (is that the technical term?) – she’s one of the only ones who could pull it off I think.
And now it’s time for bitch mode: the girls are back at the house and Angelea is telling everyone that she thinks Brenda looks like Miranda from Sex & The City. Krista (who I’m now calling Vivian Banks) pipes up and says “more like Chucky!” and they erupt into laughter. Ren gets all emo again and leaves the room to tattle on the girls. She tells Brenda who immediately confronts them (yeah, how DARE they compare her to a successful actress who has similar short red hair!??!?) and then somehow ends up getting in a fight with Anselea – battle of the teenaged mommys.
TYRA MAIL!
The girls are sent to dance school, where they are greeted by Mr. Jay (who is clearly wearing more makeup than any of the girls – god he’s pretty) and a male ballet dancer who is going to inspire the girls. Their mission? To embody the type of dance they are given and to translate it into a fierce photo. Highlights: Angelea, who gets
‘moshing’ as a dance; Ren who reinforces the statement “Disco is dead” with her god awful posing; Brenda who gets African dancing and looks like she’s got a big chest full of red hair; Alasia who does an amazing job interpreting interpretative dance even though she’s wearing a ruffled monstrosity.
Back at the house, Ren is complaining again about how tough life is at the model house. I’m sure it’s really quite awful. And it’s probably like, a whole MONTH out of her awesome life that she has to put up with this living hell. Life is rough when you’re an 18 year old model hand-picked to be in the competition by Tyra. This bitch better be going home, I’m tired of hearing her whine.
JUDGING – let me mention that Tyra appears wearing a Vulcan bodysuit. In nude. There are shoulder pads.
Jessica is up first – she had Salsa Dancing. Her dress is beautiful and red, and really pops, but her posture is really posed and phony. Meh.
Raina’s jazz photo actually frightens me – those eyebrows………
Anslee, Simone, and Tatiana’s are mediocre at best.
Brenda comes forward in an outfit described by Nigel as ‘more accountant than model’, and they tell her she is dressing waaaaaay too old. Same comment as last week actually. Oh yeah, and her photo stinks too.
Alasia’s outfit is even more ridiculous – some sort of silver string one piece bathing suit under jeans. She looks like she just stepped out of Whores R Us. The judges tell her that she’d have to explain how she got into a go see if she showed up in that little number. But…her photo is the judges favorite.
Ren’s picture is just plain terrible. She puts the Ren in horrendous.
And the first name Tyra calls…is…
Alasia. They really luffed this picture, and I agree it is quite nice.
Angelea, Jessica, Alexandra, Krista, Raina, Tatianna, Simone, Anslee, Brenda.
We’re down to the bottom two: Ren (shocking) and Brenda. Ren’s photos are terrible and the judges feel that she has no moves. Tyra asks if she wants to be in the competition, and in an after school special moment, Ren tells her that the only reason she’s even still on the show is to make her mother like her. Cuz nothing she ever does makes her mom happy, but since her mom loves ANTM, she thinks it will smooth things over. Tyra thanks her for her honesty. She then pulls a fast one and pulls Brenda’s photo out, and boots Ren outta the competition. Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!
Brenda stays in the competition and Tyra tells her that she’s gonna get another makeover to hopefully improve her confidence and make her less accountanty. And there we have it – another episode down. Stay tuned for the next recap!
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